Plague

Guys. Guys, Captain America made me cry. I don't even read comic books, guys. This isn't fair. Make my heart stop hurting.





...Stupid, amazing movie.




*cries*

My mom called last night to tell me they'd put my cat to sleep that afternoon. She was very sick, and it was the best thing to do, and I haven't been home in ages to even see her, but...

I miss my kitty.




There is an odd sort of joke to this icon, but only one person will get it.

You know, I keep thinking every time something happens that THAT is REALLY the worst life can throw at me, nothing else could possibly top it.... and then something does.

My mom's been having health problems for a while now, mostly because she refuses to go to the doctor for just about anything, ever. We've tried to convince her to go before, but... *shrugs* that's Mom, for you, never tries to take care of herself when she can be taking care of someone else.... Anyway, the story as my sister told it to me when she called a few minutes ago is this: My mom, for some reason, decided that she would go to the hospital to get herself checked out today. She headed over to Fairbury (although our town has a hospital, it's crappy and if you actually want to get BETTER, you don't go there) and she got checked out and they immediately sent her up here to Lincoln. Apparently her kidneys have stopped working, probably from all the pain meds and junk she's been on lately and they can't do dialysis (is that even spelled right?) at the small hospital in Fairbury.

This is not a pity post. I don't want all the "oh, hugs, it'll be alright" sentiments that usually follow this type of post, nice as those comments are. Just... if you read this, and you follow any religion or faith or way of life at all... hell, even if you don't.... pray for my family. My mom is the life of our family, we can't bear to lose her. *I* can't bear to lose her. Pray, send energy, meditate for her, whatever way of life you lead, I'm not one to turn down help wherever it may come from. I realize this may not be the most serious thing in the world, I don't know, I'm not a doctor or hell, even a biology major. Now I'm rambling. I don't know anything other than that she's being placed on dialysis and they don't know what exactly is wrong, or if they do, no one has told me about it. I figured you, whoever out there might read this, can maybe take a minute or two out of your day to think about a woman who has never wanted more out of life than to have her family happy and healthy.

I'm hoping it will turn out not to be serious. We all are. That's all we can do right now. I'm going to try to go on doing homework and goofing off and... just not think about this until I have to, I suppose. I have a lot to do in the next three weeks, and, at this point in time, I'm afraid school has to come before sitting in a waiting room waiting for news. My brother and sister are there, they'll let me know if anything happens. Maybe that's avoidant and stupid, but... I don't know. Family, (and those of you out there who have earned that name) if you're reading this, I love you. Time's too short sometimes not to say that every chance you get.

Heh... her birthday is in a week... happy birthday, Mom.

"Those who don't try, never look foolish." I believe that shall be my new motto. And what's so great about trying in the first place, hmm?

Anyway, thought I should post, if only to prove I'm not dead....yet.... With the way this semester is going, who knows. Ask me again this time next week. I believe I shall also become a recluse, merely because I can. I'll probably be around, so feel free to come find me, but... meh, I'm tired. And now I have class... joy. /sarcasm

Ugh, Philosophy is FINALLY DONE. World of Classical Greece, too, but I'm kinda sad cause I liked that class, but FINALLY NO MORE PHILOSOPHY E.V.A.R!!!!!!!! Seriously, there's hatin' going on here, that class sucked majorly like whoa. See?! It's made me completely incoherent. And what's even better- I don't think I failed it... Don't think I aced it, either, but NO FAILAGE, WHEEEEEEEEE! Two more finals to go.

Roomie's moving out in the next couple days (hopefully tomorrow). Need more time. Lots more time. No time. ick. Room's a mess, but since it's a moving out, organized type mess, not much I can do about it. But the sooner she's out, the sooner Ani can get in (and apparently someone else is moving into Ani's old room in the endless cycle of musical rooms we've got going on up here). So Ani's gotta be completely out in time for this other girl to get in.. BEFORE 5:00. *sigh* Am I the only one foreseeing problems here? Specially if current roomie isn't planning on getting out till sometime Thursday or Thursday night?

Seems like everyone I know is either really depressed or having nervous breakdowns. I feel sad for everybody. *sad* Lots of bad stuff and bad stress all hitting at the same time = not happiness. If you are someone I know and are feeling sad/depressed/crazy or even just like your normal self... I <3 you all and hope you get lots better. Feel better, k? *huggles all and sundry*

I'm so sleepy, but I've felt so bad about neglecting this thing, since I know there are a COUPLE of you out there reading this. I had to update. I've been way too busy the last couple of days, but if I can just get through the next couple of hectic days, I'll be fine. I think. Maybe. But the rehearsals for Vagina Monologues are not as bad as some shows I've worked on, they're just soooooo long. But I they're pretty fun, too. And starting tomorrow, we'll have an audience, so the energy will pick up some. Hopefully, anyway. :) We'll see tomorrow. I can't wait to see what an audience will think of the show. It's so much fun. Learning a lot, too.

Life is going interestingly. Had a mini-nervous breakdown yesterday. That was fun. I think I was anticipating how crappy today would be. And it was crappy. Not really in a bad way, exactly, just in a 'oh great, what more could happen?' no time to breathe way. Something like that. An almost five-hour rehearsal didn't help. Talking to my bro just now did, though, so it's not so horrible.

I need to pet a kitty.

Till next time, just remember: the clitoris is a bundle of 8,000 nerves, which is twice the number in the penis.

Okay, so, big surprise and stuff, I didn't get a call back. Yeah, I know, I was shocked too. The scariest part is, I'm beginning to not care. I mean, it used to hurt when I didn't get a call back but now it's becoming something of a status quo. Because, let's see, of the roughly eight auditions I've been in (note I'm only counting the ones with callbacks, ones without open a whole new can of worms) I've gotten exactly one callback. Granted, I got a part in that show, but it was -- and I quote the director here, folks -- because she wanted someone who had been in movement and stage makeup class. Yay, I got in on a technicality. Oh yeah, and did I mention that, because of the tight run schedule, there were only a very few actresses who COULD be called back because they weren't already in something else, and oh yeah, I was the only one who satisfied both those conditions. So whoop-de-do, I could have acted like shit and she would have cast me because I could make myself look like I was 80 years old. Great. Yes, I'm sure we've all had our share of whiny actors on tv and such by now, but let me tell all you non-existent viewers out there in TV land, I don't give a flying rat's ass right now, okay? No one even reads this thing, so what's the point of censoring myself? It'd be like bleeping out words in my mind. Not gonna happen. So I'm starting to get just a TEENSY bit unhappy with the fact that FRESHMEN and people who HAVE NEVER ACTED BEFORE are getting parts ahead of me. And you know what, I know they're probably better than me, okay I admitted it, I suck as an actor. Fine. But the kicker of the whole problem is, I can't just give it up and walk away. You know why? Well neither do I. Stupidity runs in my family, I know, but I mean, come on. It's like the universe has decided that I'm the perfect subject for some perverse experiment or something. "how long until she goes on a killing spree?" I don't know.

Life is funny that way, sometimes, you know? Doesn't even pause at lemons, just skips straight to the steel wool.


On a slightly up note, if anyone should happen to care, at all, I've now decided that opening myself for the scathing wounds of critics in one creative arena isn't enough, so I've decided to start posting any short stories I write over at www.FictionPress.net. Look for JLMack, that's me. I hope to start posting some stuff up here, eventually, too, but we'll see.