Plague

i fell off the map again, thats my bad.

so the thing is: i picked up some part time work. still working one to one with kids who just need a little help and likely have a diagnosis of falling somewhere on the spectrum. part of the week i work with a toddler in a room full of toddlers and part of the week i work with a preteen at their house. its pretty nice so far!

i did this in part because my art sales simply were no longer making ends meet. i just do not have the energy i once did to promote and knock out art as fast as before... in fact fatigue's been really bad this week, bad enough i'm kind of grateful my clients all cancelled. i still mean to keep drawing, i just can't sustain a pace or workflow that will keep us above water right now. so part time work it is.

my dad's final surgery is likely to be next month sometime - i'll be heading down for that to help out again. how long i stay will again be dependant upon how his recovery goes.

alph's still waiting on arbitration. it's going to the third step at this point, we're pretty sure it will wind up going before a judge. all because his shitty boss is utterly determined to fire him over something unfireable (not delivering spam mail to empty houses) - apparently these kind of disputes go on a long time. a LONG time. like six months.

so that's another major disruption to my art workflow, because i really work best completely alone and in complete control of my audio environment without interruption.

bumping into a delay in luanching Ask Kyo, but only because wolf is /also/ in the middle of life transition lurch stuff right now and just hasnt had a minute to turn on the php mail handler to handle question intake.

the netbook project hit its inevitable wall when i didnt have the drivers for the graphics card and so i got a blinking cursor that allows no input. pretty sure that's a rite of passage to linux, though, so i'm not bothered too much. though i was kind of like 'are u kidding' when i opened this one up to give it a hard drive

all this time i was trying to get a new motherboard and getting the wrong ones sent? guess what motherboard was inside this machine. gahgahgdlfsdf whatever lmfao

the heat wave from last week took a serious toll on my deck plants, i am hoping i can nurse them back to health from crisped up leaves. i moved them to larger pots, hoping that'll keep the soil a bit cooler and not nuke their poor roots. no blooms on tomatos....yet. but the wild berry bushes just finished their first flowering!! wild roses are also going like mad all over up here.

last week i found some kid's wallet in the road being run over. his license had been run over so many times it cracked in half. but it was also a nice wallet and had his cards and a tcg one piece chopper full-art holo in there so i figured he would want it back. mailed it to the addy on the license, probably will never hear if it made it home. but i am pretty confident it did.

i've been trying to stick to using the self care app Finch to keep up with nutrition/hydration/stretch out goals. it does help but like all self care apps, there is really nothing that can stop a bad day when it hauls in and says 'fuck you i dont want to click any buttons' still i like it more than i liked habitica. i made a very good choice naming my penguin Mayhem. the app is always talking about Child Mayhem and Adult Mayhem now.

signing up for a few late summer/early fall markets ... more on those another time.

to cap this off on a positive note, working w the toddler client also means SWIM CLASS once a week. it's really more 'let all the toddlers in the pool wearing life vests and let them go ham within reason' but it is also the first time ive been in a pool in over a decade, certainly since i got cancer surgery. i dont feel comfortable swimming shirtless because my scars are pretty gnarly and toddlers are easily distracted, but i can't believe i was willing to give this up for so long. like i just accepted the price of being trans would be maybe never go swimming again. i am really relieved to have a workplace that says 'wtf are you talking about get in that pool and keep an eye on them'

i really want to go walking in the woods right now, but fatigue intense. i genuinely do not have the mental bandwith to devote to making healthy meals and i think its malnourishment. so i guess ill just perish bc if you want something done you have to do it yourself 99% of the time. maybe thats part of why im so constantly exhausted. you think?