time

I have noticed that I never seem to have enough time. I always have TIME, of course, just never enough of it. If I have time to watch a TV show, for instance, I generally end up having to leave before it's over. Or, I'll be reading a book, and I'll get to like the last chapter and won't have time to read it. Or I'll be intending to write up a journal entry and then just never actually do it. Okay, so that's just procrastination, but still, you get my point. I'm tired of running out of time for everything. I should get a Time Turner. (If you don't know what that is, what rock have you been living under?) Anyway...

I had that audition today. There was a general stunned silence, but I'll let you all in on a fun little secret--balancing peacock feathers *isn't actually hard*. It looks really nifty and difficult, but once you get past the initial 'OhmyGod!! It's gonna fall!' stage, you've pretty much mastered the whole concept. So, I go in, do my monologue, show off my nifty talent, and get out of there, cause they said on the sheet 'to be no more than three minutes.' Right? So I did no more than three minutes. Okay, maybe three and a half, tops. But the thing is, just about everyone else was doing way more than that...so...should I have stretched out my act? I mean I could have, I only balanced on foot, hand, and chin and I have a lot more body parts than just that. I think I did the right thing, though, get in, show off, get out. Three minutes. We'll find out though, because callbacks are supposed to be posted in about a half hour or so from now. Will update later.

Help! I'm starting to believe the masses!

Okay, so, big surprise and stuff, I didn't get a call back. Yeah, I know, I was shocked too. The scariest part is, I'm beginning to not care. I mean, it used to hurt when I didn't get a call back but now it's becoming something of a status quo. Because, let's see, of the roughly eight auditions I've been in (note I'm only counting the ones with callbacks, ones without open a whole new can of worms) I've gotten exactly one callback. Granted, I got a part in that show, but it was -- and I quote the director here, folks -- because she wanted someone who had been in movement and stage makeup class. Yay, I got in on a technicality. Oh yeah, and did I mention that, because of the tight run schedule, there were only a very few actresses who COULD be called back because they weren't already in something else, and oh yeah, I was the only one who satisfied both those conditions. So whoop-de-do, I could have acted like shit and she would have cast me because I could make myself look like I was 80 years old. Great. Yes, I'm sure we've all had our share of whiny actors on tv and such by now, but let me tell all you non-existent viewers out there in TV land, I don't give a flying rat's ass right now, okay? No one even reads this thing, so what's the point of censoring myself? It'd be like bleeping out words in my mind. Not gonna happen. So I'm starting to get just a TEENSY bit unhappy with the fact that FRESHMEN and people who HAVE NEVER ACTED BEFORE are getting parts ahead of me. And you know what, I know they're probably better than me, okay I admitted it, I suck as an actor. Fine. But the kicker of the whole problem is, I can't just give it up and walk away. You know why? Well neither do I. Stupidity runs in my family, I know, but I mean, come on. It's like the universe has decided that I'm the perfect subject for some perverse experiment or something. "how long until she goes on a killing spree?" I don't know.

Life is funny that way, sometimes, you know? Doesn't even pause at lemons, just skips straight to the steel wool.


On a slightly up note, if anyone should happen to care, at all, I've now decided that opening myself for the scathing wounds of critics in one creative arena isn't enough, so I've decided to start posting any short stories I write over at www.FictionPress.net. Look for JLMack, that's me. I hope to start posting some stuff up here, eventually, too, but we'll see.